When mum was diagnosed with oral cancer in May 2014 we were unconsciously bracing for the fact that this was the beginning of the end. What we weren’t prepared for was that she would leave us so soon. I was on my way to see her one last time but she passed away while I was in transit in Singapore. I believe she heard my voice though, as my sister who was with her in hospital told me she closed her eyes for the last time, minutes after i said “I love you mum” This is my eulogy, delivered at the Methodist Church Mt Lavinia at her funeral service.
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I thank you for joining
us here today to celebrate and reflect on the life of our dear Ammi. She will always be remembered in our hearts
as a devoted wife, loving mother, generous mother in law, a cherished
grandmother, a caring sister, a favourite auntie and a faithful friend. She touched the lives of many people from all
walks of life and she was a person who was truly loved by all those whose lives
she touched. Ammi enjoyed a rich and
wonderful Life full of love &
laughter, worship & friendship, music & song and travel &
discovery. It has been a fun filled
journey of 82 energetic years with the random speed hump along the way that occasionally
made her slow down but never made her stop.
Ramani –Ammi and Thaththi
always referred to you as their third child and we are truly grateful for the constant
love, support and care that you and Ajith gave Ammi during this difficult time,
despite the constraints in your own life.
We are also grateful that you have always being there for her as a
sounding board after we left. She was
truly a part of your family and especially enjoyed being included in all the
family trips you organised. You didn’t
just care for her physical health but also for her mental, emotional and
spiritual health and for that Nangi and I are truly grateful. 
We are also deeply
thankful to the Church Community
where Ammi and Thaththi worshiped for more than 50 years. Your constant prayers and Sandra, the updates
you circulated on her condition every day at 11 throughout her illness,
uplifted her and gave her strength. Your
friendship and encouragement gave her hope and her role in this community gave
her a purpose in life.
The friendships she made
here were an integral part of our childhood. As kids, the aunties in the MWF - Miriam
& Irma, Daphne & Ira together with Nirmali and Osadhi were part of our
extended family. I still remember going
for movies together and being completely embarrassed by the rustle of the siri
siri bags as the aunties pulled out the patties and cutlets they had smuggled
in. Ammi has now built many more close
friendships in this community and I know you will all miss her dearly. She was
the live wire in the Young at Heart club, the graphic designer for the church
magazine, the keeper of finance records, the regular visitor to the Elders Home
and a leader who set an example. She had a deep abiding faith that helped her
deal with her illness without complaint or question and enabled her to
transition from this life to the next in peace and gratitude.
I also want to make
special mention of the role that Ari and Leela played in Ammi’s life. They came into her life shortly after
Thaththi’s passing when she found herself alone for the first time. Never one to complain about her lot in life,
she created a new family unit with these two people who became part of her
community and would be of great assistance to her – one as her driver and the
other as her cook. They too loved Ammi
dearly and have not stopped letting us know what a kind, and generous lady she
was not just to them, but to their families and the people in their respective
villages.
A special thank you to
all the doctors that cared for Ammi during her life, many of whom are part of
our extended family. Thank you for your care,
advice, and reassurance.
But what of her story:
Friendship has been one of the cornerstones of Ammi’s
life. She was a student at Holy Family
Convent and some of her oldest friends are the girls she went to school with, and
with whom she shared a wonderful camaraderie that has lasted from their pre-teens
to their eighties. As kids, we remember
that Ammi never missed an old girls reunion at her alma mater. She was an arts student and a good athlete
and after leaving school worked as a librarian and netball coach before she got
married and settled down to being a full time wife and later a mother.
Ammi and Thaththi married
in 1958. It was an arranged marriage in
the sense that they were introduced by well meaning friends. I remember she told me she fell in love with
Thaththi as they were watching the movie ‘Bridge over the River Kwai’. Seeya was a very conservative man and had
wanted to send a chaperone along but my dad had his way and the chaperone
stayed home. A few months after they
met, Thaththi won a scholarship to Stanford to do post grad work in
International Law. They hardly knew each
other when they married 3 months after that first introduction and she took off
with this perfect stranger to a far away land.
Ammi often said that year
was one of the best years of their life together. It was a wonderful carefree time, away from
both families, with complete freedom to explore the world and discover each
other. I remember her telling me later -
to cleave you must leave. I recall
stories of them camping in Yosemite; buying their first car in California;
making friends with the expat community; and their first little home in Palo
Alto. There were funny stories too—like
the time she asked the Methodist Minister who dropped in to visit if he would
like a beer—not realising the Methodist have different rules to the
Anglicans!
To have an opportunity to
travel to the US in 1958 would have been pretty special but they didn’t stop
there. They saved enough to then go
explore Europe and Egypt. They ran out
of money in Holland; ran into a spot of bother on the autobahn; and were almost
thrown out of a hotel in Dublin when the check in clerk realised that the De
Silva’s were not Portuguese but some darkies from Sri Lanka. The world was a different place in 1958 but
they were having the time of their lives, crafting that first chapter together.
As kids, Nangi and I
heard many stories of those idyllic years in far-flung places. They were my favourite fairy tales
and are partly to blame for igniting my infection with the travel bug! I could never have imagined then, that when I
was in my twenties I would follow in their footsteps to do my own post grad
work at UC Berkeley – Stanford’s great rival.
When they visited me 30 years after that original journey, we discovered
many of their old haunts together and met friends Ammi had lost touch with in
the Palo Alto church where they had worshipped.
After they came back from
Stanford, Thaththi and Ammi started their life at #32 - in the house my
grandfather gifted to them. Four years after
they married, on the 4th of Feb, 1962 I disrupted their peaceful
world and about 2 years later Nangi was born.
Ammi was a born mother and she took to her new role like a duck to
water. Nangi and I just adored her. She was so much fun to be with and had so
many varied interests and passions that we were spoilt for choice. As kids, we cherry picked the ones that rang
true for us and they couldn’t have been more different. Much later in life, Ammi once said to me, “how
could you & Nangi be two peas from one pod?”!
One of my earliest
memories of Ammi is of her teaching me to play table tennis on our dining table
in the old house. I was born a tomboy
and inherited her love of sport, which
for me would later transition to a love for the great outdoors. As I grew older, we set out a badminton court
on our driveway and played many competitive matches. When I was about 10, they got me a bike for
Christmas and Ammi taught me to how to ride even though she herself had never done
so!
Nangi on the other hand related
to Ammi’s feminine qualities and shared her passion for fashion, food, cooking and entertaining. She helped Ammi host fun filled dinner parties
that were executed to perfection after Thaththi had scrutinised the menu and
made a few amendments. Food, fireworks,
Our home was always an
open door and Ammi loved playing mum to all our friends who were made to feel
welcome and always left well fed. Family was a really important part of her
life. We were lucky to grow up next door
to Audrey Aunty and her family and the rest of our cousins were not far away. We all grew up as one big family, sharing the
camaraderie of our early lives, celebrating birthdays and Christmases, holidays
and Royal Thomian matches. Ammi had a
heart of gold when it came to caring
for others. Whether it was a donation
for a good cause, gifts to the family or to the many domestics who always
seemed to beat a path to her door. She
never stopped giving.
My cousins, Nangi and I held
the Perera genes accountable for many things. From our gammy knees to our good
looks; our imaginary Portuguese
ancestor who passed on the travel-bug gene; my
inability to remember names and faces; our loud personalities—we credited the
Perera’s for all these traits. In fact
my dad—a quiet man by comparison—affectionately referred to us as the 3
barbarians and would often complain he could hear us in his chambers next door,
while trying to engage in consultations with important clients
Despite the oceans that
separated us, I feel incredibly lucky that I could share my passion for travel
and discovery with Ammi. She was always
game for anything and not afraid to live life a little dangerously. We roughed it on 10-hour bus rides in
Thailand with locals who didn’t speak a word of English, we walked the
crookedest street together in San Francisco, slept on the floor in basic hotels
in South Korea, built a snowman in NY and sipped wine under the stars in the
Red Centre. More recently we discovered
the hidden gems of Sri Lanka –Jeep safaris in National Parks and road trips that
criss crossed the country. One of my
last adventures with Ammi was whale watching last Christmas. She was a little wobbly but she hopped on the
boat and we had a whale of a time. Ammi
also had the opportunity to spend time with Steven, to get to know the things
that make him tick and to be at peace in the knowledge that I have found my
soul mate for the next stage of my life.
One of Ammi’s biggest
roles was the part she played in Thaththi’s life. He had the freedom to pursue his destiny not
just because she kept the homes fires burning, but because she was the woman
behind his successful career. We will
always remember her fingers flying across the typewriter keys in the old days as
she stayed burned the midnight oil, typing draft after re draft. She was by his side as he travelled from his
early days as an unknown lawyer in the Attorney General’s department to his
career highs as adviser to many Prime Ministers and Presidents and later as Ambassador
to the United Nations in NY.
After I and then Nangi
left home, now more than 25 years ago, they would take a few months off their
busy lives each year to visit with us, initially doing round trips between
California and Australia. Then, after I
moved to Sydney, coming to Australia for the 3 months of summer, so we could
enjoy a family Christmas together. Nowhere
was too far to find ways to make memories.
Of course both Ammi and Thaththi adored their grand kids and Ammi came
to Sydney to be with Nangi for the births of Sanjeev, Rajeev and Krishan. She was very proud of their achievements and
I know very grateful that despite the distance both she and Thaththi were able
to watch them grow and become such wonderful young men. They were lucky to celebrate their 50th
wedding anniversary before Thaththi passed away and they marked that milestone by
quietly gifting a house to a family displaced by the Tsunami. 
I am so thankful for Ammi’s
life, and for her guiding hand in mine.
She didn’t just teach me to aim high and to dare to dream but she supported
those
dreams and gave me the freedom and ability to chase them. She made sure I had the skills to fly away
when the time was right. She was always
proud of what I achieved but especially so when I pursued my love for public
speaking, travel, photography and writing.
Despite any fears she might have harboured as I travelled the globe for
a year on my own, she was quietly proud of her achievement in raising a
daughter with the ability to do so. She shared
in each and every one of those journeys by reading my blog posts, trolling
through my photos on FB and making sure we caught up at least once a week on
Skype. For a lady of her generation, I
was proud of her ability to keep abreast of technological changes. The internet and the software packages she
taught herself gave her access to another world, kept us connected and
entertained her for hours.
When I look back at the
life we shared together I have nothing but happy thoughts. Despite living apart for more than 27 years,
we had an incredible connection. I
shared all my dreams with Ammi and she was always in tune with the highs and
lows of my life. There has rarely been a
year when we did not discover something new together. Those memories will sustain me. If someone asked me what did your parents
give you I would say: My father taught
me how to think laterally; My mother taught me how to live life with passion. Thanks to them my bucket list is as
interesting as my reading list!
Ammi, It will be hard to
not be able to Skype you, the next time I have some exciting news to share. Yet, I believe we will always stay connected. I will have many imaginary conversations with
you with a smile on my face and a tear in my eye. You always loved the sound of my laughter and
I will imagine that sound waves will still carry it to you.
You
will continue to live in the space you carved out for yourself in my heart a
long time ago --the sort of space that only a mother can carve. Ammi I love you. Thank you for always accepting me just the way
I am, for respecting the choices I made, for always bringing out the best in me
and for loving me for who I am. Thank
you for walking beside me for more than half a century. When we reconnect, we will share more
laughter; and you will hear the rest of my story and it will be magic.
Rest in Peace. Your work here is done.
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